Always
by Hopeakaarme
Summary: You love him don't you, but for now you are mine, and I'm not about to let you go. Deathfic. Shounen ai AtobeTachibana, ChitoseTachibana


Disclaimer: I own very little.

A/N: Because for me, deathfics are... important. If I truly love a character, I'll doubtlessly kill them sooner or later. And I do so love these two.

Warnings: Semi-psychotic deathfic. Atobe's... not entirely sane here.

* * *

Always

You are thinking of Chitose, aren't you, your head is full of him even when you claim otherwise, his image in your mind's eye as the car speeds forward.

There's music playing but you aren't listening, it's some classical composer you wouldn't even recognize if someone asked, but you don't even try to change it because you aren't listening anyway. What you do listen to is his voice, echoing in your ears, still as fresh as though he was sitting right beside you.

You could have stayed, as you well know, one simple word and you would still be with him, yet here you are driving along the dark road while your heart still stays with him.

You say it's not like that, of course, whenever questioned you deny it all, but that's not true, is it, you know all too well it isn't. You may be with another but he owns your heart, if he calls for you you'll always obey, nothing could keep you away from him. You love him, you love him more than you've ever loved anyone, anything else.

It's already dark, the road long and difficult before us, all slopes and hills and dangerous turns, the car's headlights on the road the only thing tying the car to reality, you to reality, reminding you you're still here and not with him. But your thoughts are straying, aren't they, you're again thinking of him, and the music goes in through one ear and out of the other, your eyes only barely seeing the high cliffs on both sides of the road, one shooting down to the dark depths even as the other stands tall and proud.

"You're quiet tonight, Atobe."

You're the one who's quiet, you haven't said half a word since we left there, and I tell you as much. "Ore-sama apologizes he isn't quite as talkative as Chitose," I add somewhat snappishly, and feel your eyes on me.

"What are you talking about, Atobe?" Your voice is confused, you sure are better at acting than I ever thought, I'm almost buying it. "Of course you aren't Senri. I never said you should be, either. You're you, you're Atobe. That's what you should be."

"Ore-sama wonders," I murmur, if I were like him I wouldn't have to worry would I, I wouldn't have to see you watching him, see the longing in your eyes. And he's eyeing you, too, I see it all the time, he's watching you and he wants you and soon enough he's going to take you away from me.

"Oh, don't start that again," you sigh, you sound like you're bored of this, but then it's not really my fault it keeps coming up. I'm not the one who gives you reason to doubt, and even when you call me on for Kabaji it's not the same, it would never be the same. I would never have you drive through half the country just so I could see Kabaji, I would never look at Kabaji like you look at him, I would never allow Kabaji to look at me like he looks at you. Kabaji is my friend, is content with being my friend, while Chitose obviously isn't content with things being as they are.

"Blame yourself," I say, gritting my teeth, I'm so tired of this, tired of always struggling with this fear, this fear of losing you. I'm not afraid, Atobe Keigo is never afraid, and most of all Atobe Keigo never loses anything he considers his and nothing is mine as surely as you are.

Yet Chitose keeps questioning this, he keeps acting as though you were his but you aren't, you're mine, mine mine mine and no one else's. Chitose I could take, but it's not all; sometimes it seems you agree, it seems you actually think you're his… Increasingly more so, lately; it seems every time you meet him your eyes linger more on him, you pay less attention to me, and afterwards he occupies your thoughts more and more.

I can't allow it. I can't allow this to continue. I can't allow him to take you from me.

I'm not sure if I'm just so tired, it must be after midnight already, or perhaps it's our surroundings and all these cliffs and turns. An idea takes over my mind, though, an evil idea, a dark one – yet it makes sense, it makes horrifying sense to me, it would mean you're mine, always mine and never Chitose's.

"I love you, Atobe," you say, and with that you seal my decision, "I love you and not Chitose."

That's it, if you're thinking like this; I can't let you change your mind yet again, that can't happen, I won't stand for it. You're still mine, just for this one moment, you're still all mine and not his. But if you see him one more time you might think otherwise, if he calls you one more time, if you still think of him… I'm bound to lose, aren't I, you're going to be his instead of mine if this goes on, this can't go on, not anymore.

I have to end this. I have to end this now, when you still say you are mine.

The car is going faster now, I'm not sure if I did it on purpose or not, but I make no attempt to slow down. Every turn is more dangerous, yet I don't care; and then we're approaching yet another one and I don't even try to turn the car.

You grasp on my arm, are you insane Atobe, stop that we're both going to die, and I can't help but smirk. I know that, of course I know that, I'm not stupid even though you must think so, you wouldn't be playing with Chitose as you do otherwise. But you are mine, you'll forever be mine, and I'm already going to go to Hell for loving you so who cares.

You're strong as you try to turn my hand, but I'm not exactly weak either, and I lean towards you to kiss you, kiss you one last time. There's something wet on my cheeks that might be tears, except why I'm crying I won't know, you're going to be mine forever now aren't you.

The car crashes against the safety railing and goes right through, the road suddenly disappears under the wheels, and you shout yet I kiss you again, one last whisper against your lips before we both go.

"I love you," I whisper, and that's the last thing I know, the last thing I know before you're finally mine and not his, never will you be his again.

You'll always stay with me, always.


End file.
